Saturday, December 21

Ramblings...


I've got a fascination with mullets, I'm sure everyone else that I know does too. There are many mullet web sites out there ranging from www.mulletsgalore.com to www.mulletlovers.com. I like mulletsgalore. They feature a mullet of the week section mullet hunt and a classification section. It's a veritable mullet encyclopedia. I would like people to share their mullet stories with me. My greatest encounter with a mullet was during a documentary we shot in College called "Fear the Mullet" We attended a Destroyer concert, they're a Kiss cover band for those of you that aren't up on your tight jeans trivia. We were interviewing fans with mullets as part of the documentary, we would ask them questions about the band, but then in the editing room we re-dubbed the questions as if we were asking about a mullet. For example we would ask the person with the mullet, "So why did you come here to see Destroyer?" the answer, "Oh, man, they're awesome, I love their look, and they are so real dude." So in the actual finished product it would come out like, "So what is up with that nappy ass mullet hair cut?" answer "Oh, man, they're awesome, I love their look, and they are so real dude." The documentary was pretty damn funny, but it was never completed, the director and editors were a couple of stoners that spent most of their time watching tv rather than doing their work. Some of the greatest mullets I've ever seen were at that concert, several Billy Ray Cirus styles, with a good three feet of plumage. We also saw a variety of rat tails, skullets and under cuts. What a time!
Worst Blog Ever...


BLAMB has a link to some guy who is trying to find the crappiest blog out there, nominate mine so I can get some visitors. Blamb has raymitheminx.blogspot.com as his, and I agree, it's horrible. Kind of like watching those scenes from Natural Born Killers where Mallory, Juliette Lewis, is being abused by Rodney Dangerfield, or when she's in those dirty hotel rooms with Mickey, Brett Lamb uh I mean Woody Harrelson. I don't really want to know about her "I'm-a-unique-Toronto-street-person-down-on-my-luck-struggling-artist-nympho-break-the-rules-don't-shower-for-the-shock-value" wannabe life. I've met hundreds of dorky middle class kids looking for some sympathy and attention from mom and dad and she's no different, but hey, she's got a blog and she's found a way to post pictures on it even though it's from blogspot.
Early Celebrations...


I've decided to celebrate Christmas early with my girlfriend this year. We exchanged gifts last night. She bought me two nice non-beige sweaters, and Smackdown Shut Your Mouth for PS2. I got her a biege sweater, three CDs, a DVD and an assortment of expensive make-up and other stocking stuffers.

The Sweater Blog...

I'm sure all of my readers...uh do I have any readers? Were wondering where I've been as of late. Well I'll tell you. I was enduring the most gruelling and horrifying form of torture known to man. Yes, I've been Christmas shopping. God I hate those malls. Thousands of rude people rushing in and out of stores looking for the best deal on a biege sweater that EVERY store is selling. Women trying to cut in front of you in line so they can get to the next store to buy another biege sweater for someone else. Pushy sales people trying to impress you with their extensive knowledge of that biege sweater. Next year I'm going to do all my shopping on-line. I'll get some of my friends one year memberships to porn sites, and I'll get everyone else a book or video from Amazon.com.

Thursday, December 19

Day time television

Well I'm feeling a lot better today, so I ended up going to work. I know, I know, no day time tv. Woe is me. I must say, I can understand how day time tv can become addictive for people. Without your daily dose of transexual-teenage-cheaters who are trying to pass a lie detector test about whether or not the paternity test will show who the true daddy is, one could easily go crazy. Imagine a life without the benefit of being able to revel in the glory of knowing that someone elses life is worse than yours?

Wednesday, December 18

Quote of the Day

Today's quote is from Rocky...

Burgess Meredith - "You're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!"

Tuesday, December 17

Wheel of Daddy

I'm still sick, and I'm still at home watching day time TV. I'm all out of books, I really need to go to a Chapters or something to get some entertainment, but if I could do that I would be a work.

Today on Maury guests are taking paternity tests to determine whether or not Jamal or Lincoln is the father of Shaniqua's little baby Tyrone. I find it very disturbing that a woman would go on television and accuse two men of being the father of her child. Saying things like, "I'm not sure which one it is, but it's one of them." Then they go on to explain how she was dating one guy and he cheated on her so she slept with his brother and now she has a three month old child. Or atleast this is what I think they're saying. the accents are unidentifiable and impossible to understand. They don't really use any officially recognized form of English, and they're usually all screaming so loud the microphones peak and it is hard to hear the words. But the graphical captions under their names, which describe their problems give me enough clues to figure the situation out. Now apart from accusing TWO men on national Television, the most disturbing part of this ordeal is that once Maury opens the manilla envelope containing the results, it turns out that neither man is the actual father.

Of course the audience loves this, they scream and jeer the woman, and cheer for the men who only moments ago they were booing as they entered the stage area. The mother of the child begins to cry and goes red in the face, while the two potential daddies give each other high fives and smile with obvious relief. Through all of this Maury just sits and stares blankly at this emotional exchange that is making him millions of dollars a year. And with a compasionate smile and a helping hand he holds the mother and explains how he will do everything he can to help her find the real father and convince him to take a paternity test.

Now this is just one example of a story on today's episode, but from what my roommates say (and they watch Maury every day before leaving for school) this kind of thing happens every day. There were some guests on todays show who only accused one man of being the father, and some guests who were right about their accusations.

I've never actually had to have a paternity test, most of the girls haven't confronted me about thier illegitimate children. But I'm sure there are alternative options to going on Maury. Or has he cornered the market in Paternity determination equipment? Why appear on a television show to air your dirty laundry? I don't understand the compulsion for fame that drives these people to try and express their unique situations to a live and televised audience.

The guests and their problems are amusing as well as disturbing. But the advertised show ideas are even more amusing and more disturbing. I saw one today that asked the television audience, "Is your teen daughter so desperate to have a baby that she will go to any extreme? And doesn't care with whom she has the child? If so, call the Maury show at ..." Another one was, "Is your overweight teen daughter obsessed with becoming a stripper that she is trying to find or already has found employment at an adult entertainment establishment? If so call the Maury show at..."

I've decided to call the show and tell them that my transvestite ex-wife has had sexually corrective surgery to remove her female genitalia to become a full man, her/his name....Seanie D.
Quote of the Day

Today's quote is from Sixteen Candles

Samantha Baker - "I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up."
Time to duck and cover under the desk!

The Toronto Star reports that the CSIS has arrested a man suspected of being part of Osama Bin Laden's terrorist regime. Mohammed Harkat was captured last week in Ottawa and is being detained under a section of Canada's immigration policy that allows immigrants to be deported if they are deemed to be a threat to national security. "His support for individuals and groups involved in political violence or terrorist activity, his alliances with Islamic extremists and his use of security techniques lead the CSIS to believe that Harkat is associated with organizations that support the use of political violence and terrorism,''
The Star also reports that Harkat was seen with another unidentified man taking pictures of the Parliment buildings and the Canadian Supreme court "possibly in preparation for an attack."
Now, I'm sure they have some reason to get rid of this guy. I mean first of all he's not white, and he isn't a god fearing Christian. Two stirkes right? And anyone taking pictures of one of Canada's largest tourist destinations must be a bad guy. Third strike.
But the most disturbing part of this report is that he was arrested because he was suspected of being associated with and active in, Islamic extremist groups, and political activists. I believe people are overreacting a little bit. Maybe if the United States would just keep it's gigantic national nose out of other people's business there wouldn't be any of these problems. Or maybe everything is just fine and they should continue to clear out everyone that doesn't fit their WASP mold. It would certainly get rid of the housing issue in our larger metropolitan centres. Hey, I wonder if Harkat will be sub-letting his cell, uh, apartment while he's being detained?

Monday, December 16

Jenny Jones...

As a result of me staying home from work I've been able to watch an episode of Jenny Jones. Today's topic is "I'm obsessed with Eminem." She has several Eminem look-a-likes, his Grandma, his former body guard, and a waitress that worked with him before he was famous. It seems somewhat pathetic to be trying to get fame, ratings, or money based on an indirect or even direct connection to someone who is famous.

People who try to latch on to another talented person should be treated like the parasites they are. They should not be cheered or worshiped because of who they know. After saying that, I must make sure that everyone knows that I am a close personal friend of none other than Seanie D. Please worship me, but do it from afar.
Quote of the Day...

Today's quote is from Rambo...
Clint - "So you're telling me that my 200 men versus 1 guy is unbeatable odds?"
Col Troutman - "If you're taking that many men, don't forget one thing."
Clint - "What's that?"
Col Troutman - "A good supply of body bags."
Good Morning...

I'm home sick from work today. I decided to sleep in. I really miss sleeping in. I used to be able to stay up until four or five in the morning back in the good old college days and just sleep in until nine or ten the next morning. Now I feel like an old man. If I don't get to bed by 11 I'm completely wasted the next morning.

Sunday, December 15

I've just spent the last three hours cleaning my apartment. No matter how often I clean I just can't get used to the smell of chemical cleaners, and if I don't wear gloves the smell stays on my hands for hours. So now my hands smell like a combination of dish soap, Orange Clean, and Comet. It's disgusting. I've tried using bar soap and liquid soap to wash it off, but now I smell like a combination of bar soap, liquid soap plus all those other cleaners. I might have to go get my hands all dirty. Does anyone have any creative suggestions?
BLOGGING!

In the imortal words of Randy Macho Man Savage..."OH YEAH!" My blog is up and running now, the comments section works, I've got links to Blamb's site and Meigan's Madness. I'll be adding more links as I go, hopefully I will be linked to other blogs. I've been working on trying to get this blog going for awhile. I've designed all sorts of fancy backgrounds on photoshop, but unfortunately Blogger won't allow me to add picture files, and free web hosting sites don't give me enough room. I'm just not ready to pay to have a web site. I will continue to search for a free site that allows me to upload some graphics. While I'm at it I should mention that I'm using my roommates Mac, and it sucks ass. Really, I'm telling you this for your own good. Don't buy Mac. I'm using Dreamweaver to create my web page but the Mac just doesn't use the same file labelling system or even similar looking windows to a PC, which makes all of those tutorials out there virtually useless. ARGH!
XXXXL

I'm looking at Champs Sports internet site for a Raiders Jersey for my younger brother. I've noticed that whenever I try to find an article of clothing in an american store the sizes just blow my mind. Who on earth would wear a football jersey size XXXXL. I mean that's not a clothing size that's a future Superbowl. I guess there are some really fat football fans out there. I've been checking out Hockey Jerseys at the local malls, and the largest I've seen is XXL, and I think that is for people who will actually be wearing them over equipment. Anyway, if anyone knows where I can find a silver Raiders Jersey in medium, that would be Chiptastic!