Tuesday, December 17

Wheel of Daddy

I'm still sick, and I'm still at home watching day time TV. I'm all out of books, I really need to go to a Chapters or something to get some entertainment, but if I could do that I would be a work.

Today on Maury guests are taking paternity tests to determine whether or not Jamal or Lincoln is the father of Shaniqua's little baby Tyrone. I find it very disturbing that a woman would go on television and accuse two men of being the father of her child. Saying things like, "I'm not sure which one it is, but it's one of them." Then they go on to explain how she was dating one guy and he cheated on her so she slept with his brother and now she has a three month old child. Or atleast this is what I think they're saying. the accents are unidentifiable and impossible to understand. They don't really use any officially recognized form of English, and they're usually all screaming so loud the microphones peak and it is hard to hear the words. But the graphical captions under their names, which describe their problems give me enough clues to figure the situation out. Now apart from accusing TWO men on national Television, the most disturbing part of this ordeal is that once Maury opens the manilla envelope containing the results, it turns out that neither man is the actual father.

Of course the audience loves this, they scream and jeer the woman, and cheer for the men who only moments ago they were booing as they entered the stage area. The mother of the child begins to cry and goes red in the face, while the two potential daddies give each other high fives and smile with obvious relief. Through all of this Maury just sits and stares blankly at this emotional exchange that is making him millions of dollars a year. And with a compasionate smile and a helping hand he holds the mother and explains how he will do everything he can to help her find the real father and convince him to take a paternity test.

Now this is just one example of a story on today's episode, but from what my roommates say (and they watch Maury every day before leaving for school) this kind of thing happens every day. There were some guests on todays show who only accused one man of being the father, and some guests who were right about their accusations.

I've never actually had to have a paternity test, most of the girls haven't confronted me about thier illegitimate children. But I'm sure there are alternative options to going on Maury. Or has he cornered the market in Paternity determination equipment? Why appear on a television show to air your dirty laundry? I don't understand the compulsion for fame that drives these people to try and express their unique situations to a live and televised audience.

The guests and their problems are amusing as well as disturbing. But the advertised show ideas are even more amusing and more disturbing. I saw one today that asked the television audience, "Is your teen daughter so desperate to have a baby that she will go to any extreme? And doesn't care with whom she has the child? If so, call the Maury show at ..." Another one was, "Is your overweight teen daughter obsessed with becoming a stripper that she is trying to find or already has found employment at an adult entertainment establishment? If so call the Maury show at..."

I've decided to call the show and tell them that my transvestite ex-wife has had sexually corrective surgery to remove her female genitalia to become a full man, her/his name....Seanie D.

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